191478

Joke of the Day

"wife: dont say anythin stupid on the way out me: i wont [shakes priest's hand after lovely wedding ceremony] me: so are you god's boyfriend?"

"Tim Vine came up to me. I said,""Hey, you're Time Vine!"" He said,""My name's not Tim Vine, it's Timbuktu."" He paused. ""Sorry, I was miles away."""

"I couldn't figure out how my seatbelt worked. But then it clicked."

"What's a cannibal's favourite type of food? Finger food!"

"Teacher ""Hi, why are you here?"" Me ""Um, isn't this the beginners' philosophy class?"" Teacher ""Yes and you're off to a really bad start."""

"The NSA is to blame for obesity in The United States. Because the camera ads 10 pounds."

"When the cleaning lady say's ""Have a good night"", I try to time it so we say it in unison. Then I say our ""You too"" response in harmony."

"A friend of mine told me all my clothes were gay... ""Keep your voice down!"" I yelled, ""some of them are still in the closet."""

"If a stork symbolizes birth what type of bird symbolizes birth control? A swallow"

"I'm not racist I have a black president."