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Joke of the Day

"When the cleaning lady say's ""Have a good night"", I try to time it so we say it in unison. Then I say our ""You too"" response in harmony."

"The doctor said I had, at best, a year to live... So I shot him. The judge gave me 30."

"Sorry I wrote ""All dogs matter"" on your ""I my Weimaraner"" bumper sticker."

"Why are there only seat belts in the end of the bus? Because #backlivesmatter"

"The reason cats are so pissy is they're God's perfect killing machines but they only weigh 8lbs and we keep picking them up and kissing them"

"Have you heard the one about the suicidal farmer that liked to mutilate cows? He was a danger to himself and udders. Edit: Spelling"

"Do Russia and Uganda realize if they put all their gay people in jail then jail will become the nicest part of their country?"

"BREAKING: Pot calls kettle ""black"". ""Racial tension at boiling point"" says mayor of kitchen cupboard"

"Rome wasn't built in a day... But it was built in Italy!!"

"Which president was famous for his long pauses? Ellipsis S. Grant."