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Joke of the Day

"Birds do it. Bees do it. Even educated fleas do it. Let's do it. Let's crash headfirst into this guy going 80 mph's windshield."

"ME: Jesus Christ, this is the slowest train I've ever travelled on BRIDE: Someone please get this prick off my dress"

"What's the difference between a BMW and a porcupine? The porcupine has the pricks on the outside. Credit to Top Gear."

"THERE IS A THIN LINE BETWEEN 911.. AND 9/11"

"When my first wife lost her credit card, I didn't report it. Because whoever found it was spending less than she was."

"Me: I love you Him: you just drank 1/4 of your beer through your nostril Me: that is also true"

"If you can think of a better fish joke Let minnow."

"I'm not saying you're on twitter too much, but your six-year-old is running an arms trade with the Mexican drug cartel out of his tree fort."

"Ferguson joke. Too soon? Black guy walks into a bar in Ferguson. Says to the bartender, ""Give me a Michael Brown."" Bartender says ""Ok. Put up your hands."" the gave him six shots."

"Q: What do you call it when you lease false teeth? A: A dental rental."