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Joke of the Day

"ME: Jesus Christ, this is the slowest train I've ever travelled on BRIDE: Someone please get this prick off my dress"

"I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe."

"How many Chinese people does it take to change a light bulb? Only one but he has to manufacture it first."

"Judge: State your name. Me: Not Guilty Judge: What? Me: I had it legally changed. Judge: You're Not Guilty? Me: *moonwalks outta there*"

"The female praying mantis devours the male within minutes after mating, while the female human prefers to stretch it out over a lifetime."

"""You never say you love me,"" wept my girlfriend. I walked up to her and said, ""You love me."""

"What is Captain Picard's favorite Chinese takeout ? Make it Tso!"

"How many babies does it take to paint a house? Depends on how hard you throw them."

"I want my children to have all the things I never had so then I can move in with them."

"Be to, or be not to, the question, that is. - Yoda does Hamlet"