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Joke of the Day

"I'm not saying you're on twitter too much, but your six-year-old is running an arms trade with the Mexican drug cartel out of his tree fort."

"3 Men Walk Into a Bar One of them should've noticed. (credit to my brother)"

"Why did the chicken go around the world? Because his name was Marco Pollo.."

"Have you see the movie constipation? No? That's because it hasn't come out yet."

"What did the dog say after stepping off a sailboat? Wharf!"

"What's the difference between a cat and a comma One has claws at the end of its paws, the other's a pause at the end of its clause."

"Logarithms... are musical, because they're all about that base."

"I have a habit... I have a habit of flipping around letters in a word. You say pencil, I say cenpil. You say banana, I say nababa. You say popcorn, I shut up."

"Who do you get if you cross Arnold Schwarzenegger with Michael Jackson? Michael Wasanigger"

"How do you find a dead body? Download Pokemon GO."