191110

Joke of the Day

"I swallowed two pieces of string and when I went to the bathroom they came out tied together. I shit you knot."

"COMMENCE ANNIHILATI... Sorry, wrong notes, that's tomorrow's speech. Here's the right one: You have nothing to fear from Project Omega ..."

"Industrial robots How do industrial robots communicate with humans? They use a conveyor belt."

"Did you hear about the terrorist on the talent show!? apparently he blew the judges away!"

"what's a resistance pilot's favorite mathematical activity? solving for x wing. what do more advanced resistance pilots do? solve for x and y wing at the same time."

"Vladimir Putin was recently late to a meeting He was really Russian"

"What is the difference between the Leaning Tower of Pisa and the Twin Towers? Better reflexes."

"What are you gonna argue about with your family this Thanksgiving? 1. Minimum wage 2. Police reform 3. Why are there raisins in this, Louise"

"Using dog shampoo when I run out of cat shampoo because I ran out of human shampoo a week ago."

"The average person has sex 89 times a year. This is gonna be one hell of a week."