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Joke of the Day

"[phone call] KIDNAPPER: We're gonna kill your wife if you don't pay ME: *making wind noises* I CAN'T HEAR YOU I'M GOING THROUGH A TUNNEL"

"How do I know you're not John Cena? I can see you"

"Why are mexicans so predictable in Uno? Because they always wish for the green card"

"My doctor wrote me a prescription for daily sex. ....my girlfriend insists it says dyslexia."

"Whenever I'm down in the dumps, I get myself new clothes. They smell a little bit but at least they're free."

"Italian restaurant. I went to my local Italian restaurant last night, but there was a large fat woman standing at the entrance. I couldn't get pasta."

"What do you call a Nazi who is social and moves freely at a party? Josef Mengeling"

"I'm pretty sure I'm smarter than my cat, but he refuses to take the test. It unnerves me, because that's totally what a genius would do..."

"Difference Between Good Girls And Bad Girls Good Girls Open Few Buttons In Hot Atmosphere, But Bad Girls Open All Buttons To Make The Atmosphere Hot."

"Q: You are traveling into the past, what one thing would you bring back? SEXY. I am so getting an A on this History paper."