190815

Joke of the Day

"There is nothing more vile and disgusting than child pornographers. In my opinion, they should be tried as adults."

"My husband doesn't find it nearly as amusing as I do, when I read all your tweets out loud to him. For 2 hours. Douche."

"2 wrongs don't make a right... But 2 Wrights make a plane"

"If Romney wins I will punch a basket of newborn kittens one by one. Do you want that, America? Do you want kittens to get punched?"

"I went to get myself a glass of punch but..."

"If Bob The Builder's slogan is ""Can he fix it?"" then he's not really a builder is he? More of a repairman."

"Walks into a room - A doctor walks into a patient's room ...and decides to update the chart. He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a thermometer and says ""Great! What asshole has my pen?"""

"Dad Rabbit: Who is this Daughter Rabbit: My BF Emo BF Rabbit: gotta go babe, My band Bad Hare Cut has practice *flips ears away from eyes"

"HULK:*smashes a tank* IRON MAN:*flies bomb into space to save mankind* HAWKEYE: I have an arrow w/ your name on it pal, hold on stand still"

"If I had a dollar for every time I said this I would be making money in a real weird way! Best comic I ever heard, Mitch Hedberg (1968-2005)."