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Joke of the Day

"If I had a dollar for every time I said this I would be making money in a real weird way! Best comic I ever heard, Mitch Hedberg (1968-2005)."

"Got kicked out of the Renaissance Fair after seeing an Asian wearing a breastplate. I said there was a chink in the armor."

"Why could Luke and Leia never be together? They went looking for love in Alderaan places."

"I wish there was a reality show where people learned grammar."

"Q: What do you call a blonde with a bag of sugar on her head? A: Sweet fuck all."

"[At Wedding] Priest: And do you take me as your lawfully wedded wife? Me: I do. WAIT A SECOND Priest: TOO LATE. YOU'RE MINE NOW, IDIOT."

"Havent picked sides in Gamer gate yet.. which do I like more.. the entire female gender or the thing where I pretend to kill people on Tv.."

"Me: I know it hurts, but you'll learn to love again. Sheep: I don't know. I can't even look at ewe right now."

"Clerk Kent is in fact Superman... So my mom tells me stop hanging with your friends who are always drunk! They are not a good company! How should i tell her that... ""Clark Kent is in fact Superman"""

"I wanted to make a joke about a bridge but I thought I might need to build the suspense first"