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Joke of the Day

"My oldest is 14 today. Daddy's baby is growing up. Soon she'll start looking for boyfriends and find them all dead under the floor boards."

"Just had to cut ties with the girl I was dating after I found out we both wanted different things. She wanted a relationship and I wanted a better looking girlfriend."

"How does a mermaid give birth? By sea-section!"

"Why was Hitler late for work? He tried driving a new route to work, but instead of taking the second left, he took the third reich."

"I have decided to run a marathon and have taken up vaping instead of smoking You could say I am running on fumes."

"I accidentally answered the phone with my last name and got promoted to homicide detective"

"How do you know Kurt Cobain didn't have dandruff? A bit of his head and shoulders were found behind the couch."

"The picture heading read ""Panorama!"" I thought it said ""Paranormal"" I wasted hours staring at these elongated images looking for ghosts."

"I only make my food from the natural ingredients, like uranium and asbestos"

"I've had insomnia so much it is starting to worry me. But I won't lose any sleep over it."