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Joke of the Day

"#feelthebern As a Jew I'm not sure Bernie is allowed to say that"

"I'm so petty People call me Tom"

"2 Owls 2 owls are sitting in a tree. First turns to the second and says, ""Did you hear Bill's getting a divorce?"" The second Owl replies, ""Who?"""

"People always tell me to be the change that I want to see in the world, but I can't seem to get any whiter."

"Hypochondria? I think I have that!"

"1. Put ""Out of Order"" sign on a staircase. 2. Wait until someone says, ""Stairs can't be out of order!"" and uses them. 3. Release the bees."

"What's the name of the jewish spider? Spidermann"

"Why did the cows return to the marijuana field? It was a case of the pot calling the cattle back."

"'sir, no food allowed in the dressing rooms.' what, am i supposed to just guess the pop tart capacity of these cargo shorts before I buy?"

"A CW pronounces both ""r""s in February, both ""d""s in Wednesday and has just told me the ""correct"" way to say segue. Please send weapons."