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Joke of the Day
"Why do hipsters love Raiders of the Lost Ark? Because it's the first Indy movie."
Next Joke
"Apparently for every $1 a man makes, a woman makes 70 cents. That's not fair. Why is the man only left with 30? Credit to Bo Burnham."
"(Me playing guitar) 3: Daddy what's this song called? Me: Going Nowhere. 3: I know that but what's this song called? Burned by a 3yo."
"Oh you're in the shower? Here's the seven worst songs from your playlist. - shuffle mode"
"You can't buy a woman's love but you can buy a woman's heart on the black market probably."
"What is it called when you get a bathroom hand job while listening to blues? W.C. Handy"
"I was walking in the park... ..and I saw a beautiful girl. I went up to her, spark flew, she fell at my feet and before I knew it we were having sex. God do I love my new taser."
"opinion - 3.14 = onion"
"Why are black people unfair? Because they're unfair."
"I used to accidentally hold hands with strangers I mistook for my dad. It's slightly weirder now that I'm in my 20s and doing it on purpose."