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Joke of the Day
"I'm having trouble finishing my joke about tree surgery! Stick joke here!"
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"""Shoot for the moon, land among the stars"" -dead astronaut"
"How do you blind a woman? You put a windshield in front of her."
"Our FedEx guy keeps delivering diapers & formula but I didn't order any. And he cries when he holds the baby. Weird, huh?"
"Did some financial planning and it looks like I can retire at 62 and live comfortably for eleven minutes."
"What did the geologist say at the Chinese restaurant? May I have Eurasian plate?"
"I haven't fapped for seven days... ... because that would be too long."
"[Michael Cera knocked backwards by ejecting toast]"
"A beggar once asked me, ""Any change?"" I said, ""Nope. You're still broke."""
"My life coach just asked me leave because apparently she has ""other pedicures to do"" and doesn't ""speak English""."