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Joke of the Day

"You'd think that the guy in charge of putting pepperoni on frozen pizzas would've been up for a performance review by now."

"Make a friend today. Give a complete stranger a big, long hug. If they happen to get mad, tell the police a guy on twitter said you could."

"Whenever my anorexic girlfriend says she needs a pee, I never know if she needs the toilet or she's just hungry."

"I found a wallet today, and as a practicing Christian, I asked myself ""what would Jesus do?"" So I turned it into wine."

"*job interview* Why do you want to be a psychiatrist? *pictures clients acting like chickens after I click my fingers* I want to help people"

"Knock Knock Joke (created by a 4yo) Knock knock - Who's there? Apple - Apple who? *pause* APPLE NOTHING! APPLES DON'T SAY ANYTHING! YOU'RE SO WEIRD, DADDY!"

"I farted on the bus today and 4 people turned around. I felt like I was on The Voice!"

"Never discuss with your wife... ...because all you do is 'diss' and 'cuss'"

"Yesterday, my Muslim friend ask me if I want to breakfast together It was stupid to wait at his door on 9am."

"A legendary quote by Mahatma Gandhi ""History is not created by those who browse in incognito mode"""