190118

Joke of the Day

"Why did the librarian hush the mime? Because actions speak louder than words."

"I don't make typos. I make new words."

"Why does Fred Williard keep Kleenex in his pocket? They come in handy."

"New fast food chain in Germany Apparently is called ""In-and-Auschwitz Burgers."" The slogan is ""Bacon isn't the only thing cookin in the oven!"""

"You don't see many dog librarians. Probably because of the barking."

"How do you pump a Republican for information? With a plunger."

"*sets down half eaten bag of potato chips on the elliptical*"

"It's not that I don't like drinking, it's just I find that my aim when throwing bottles in your face is allot more accurate when I'm sober."

"Two snakes Snake one asks ""Hey man, are we venomous?"" Snake two responds, ""Extremely. Why do you ask?"" ""Because I just bit my tongue"""

"How many hippies does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Trick question: Hippies don't screw in lightbulbs, they screw in dirty sleeping bags."