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Joke of the Day

"Me: I'd invite you in but my place is a mess Friend: That's OK. I don't mind M: The mess tho F: Don't be silly M: I don't want u in my house"

"Last time I went to the doctor he prescribed constipation medicine to clear up my earwax. He was right about me being a shithead apparently."

"I needed to go to the toilet but we were out of toilet roll So I pissed in the sink"

"Blind man walks into a bar... ...bartender asks if he likes his beer light or dark."

"4 is currently using scissors to whittle down a pencil. This will be a valuable skill if she ever goes to prison and needs to make a shank."

"Note to self: before sending that e-mail... Don't ever rely again on the e-mail engine spell check. Latest letter of intent of mine went out with a 'T' instead of a 'G' in ""Best Regards"""

"What do nuns do? Nunthing"

"""I don't like the taste of water."" - first world problem"

"Couple kissing on the road A Kid On His Way To Home With His Mom Saw A Couple Kissing On The Road, He Suddenly Shouted & Said: Look Mom look, that boy and girl Are Fighting For A Chewing GUM."

"What do you call a man who just had his back waxed? A Faggot."