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Joke of the Day

"If I were Spock, I would spend 24 hours a day saying things like ""get out of my Vulcan face"" and ""are you Vulcan kidding me?"""

"What's the difference between a woman and a laundry machine? When I dump a load in the washing machine it doesn't follow me around after"

"The rules of weed do not work for pussy.. If you can smell it across the room, it's not the good shit."

"A girl next to me in the trai sneezed. Me: bless you She: I have a boyfriend A few rows behind us : I'm vegan"

"Don't play pocket hockey... the referee is a dick!"

"Pssst! I'm voting. Does anyone know the answer to #4? And who do I show my tits for extra credit? That old lady doesn't look interested."

"My kid is almost old enough for social media so we'll need to have ""the talk"" soon. You know, about your/you're and their/there/they're."

"Millions are killed each year because they go potty without checking behind the shower curtain first. Be smart. Peep before you poop."

"Did you hear about the guy that invented the door knocker? He won the ""Nobell"" prize."

"funny how people who earn philosophy degrees probably at some point ask themselves ""why did i do this"""