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Joke of the Day

"If I were Spock, I would spend 24 hours a day saying things like ""get out of my Vulcan face"" and ""are you Vulcan kidding me?"""

"I just saved a bunch of money on my car insurance by switching my license plate before I ran down all the people I hate"

"Job interview Hiring manager: so, according to your resume you have listed ""can pee with a boner"" as a skill Me: yea bruh I guess u can say its kinda hard Manager: wow lol you're hired"

"Hilter was weird You would think a pig would like people who don't eat pork."

"Have you heard about the restaurant on the moon? There's a great view, but no atmosphere."

"My gardener is completely incompetent He keeps soiling himself"

"If people could hear the next five seconds after I hit ""end"" on a call, I would have no friends."

"What do you get when you cross a turd and a mailbox? Shitpost."

"Make a customer service representative's day by ending your call with: ""Thank you...you're my only friend in this miserable world."""

"*pretends to get an urgent text so I can turn around after I notice I'm walking in the wrong direction*"