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Joke of the Day

"If a gorilla stole my girlfriend and started throwing barrels at a construction site, the last guy I'm gonna call for help is a plumber."

"What did the velociraptor say after his workout? I'm a little dino-sore."

"I'm not saying I've gained weight, I'm just saying I don't think my belt buckle should be facing the ground..."

"BLONDE LUCK A blonde was at a gumball machine. She kept putting quarters in and getting gumballs out. The man behind her asked if he could get a gumball. She said, ""Shut up! I'm winning."""

"Girl, did you take a massage therapy course at a community college with questionable credentials? Because you're rubbing me the wrong way."

"What do you call a company that makes Mexicans? A MexiCo."

"M&Ms should change their packaging. They should make it a white wrapper."

"When I saw ""likes music"" on her dating profile, I almost fell out of my chair. Because I also like music. Holy shit she likes good food too!"

"*hangs a vacant sign on your forehead*"

"Ya man, it is weird that your wife started wearing the same cologne I wear."