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Joke of the Day
"Ya man, it is weird that your wife started wearing the same cologne I wear."
Next Joke
"What the Mayans taught me The Mayans taught me that if you don't finish something, it's not really the end of the world."
"When I was child we had to look things up in dictionary or encyclopedia, uphill both ways in the snow"
"Hello lamppost, whatcha knowin'? I come to watc-- Lamppost: Nice scarf princess."
"My grandma is very conservative. It would break her heart if she knew I was bi -partisan."
"Daddy! Tell me a story.. The Tooth Fairy is really a wicked witch, who takes all your teeth if you sleep with your mouth open. Good night."
"I become instantly beautiful when I put on my sunglasses. -Every girl, ever."
"Before I go to the airport I'm going to swallow a Hot Wheels car & an action figure. Then when they scan me I'm going to act like Godzilla."
"LPT: If your girl ever asks you which of her friends you want to have a three-way with, DO NOT GIVE HER TWO NAMES!"
"English class...... Teacher. One day our country will be corruption free. which tense is it?? student. Future impossible tense."