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Joke of the Day

"I do really well on Jeopardy. I get all the answers, every one of them, almost instantly. I do, however, have a lot of trouble coming up with the questions."

"Apparently the meteor passed within 17,000 miles of the planet last night. Nearly as far away as my wife parks from the kerb."

"What's the difference between a guy wearing a bullet proof vest and the English football team? The guy would survive the first round."

"What do you call the total pay from your jobs as a garbageman, a sewage plant worker, and a drug smuggler? Your gross income."

"Women with large breasts are generally more successful than men with large breasts."

"What's worse than your mother-in-law? My mother-in-law."

"This ad says: ""3 out of 5 smokers die"" Apparently the other 2 become immortal."

"Hitler wasn't a very athletic man. He never even finished a single race."

"Whats the difference between a hippy chick and a washing machine? When you drop a load in, it doesn't follow you around for 6 months trying to get spun. 8)"

"I'm not only glad that toothpaste was invented I'm enamelled by it."