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Joke of the Day

"So a horse comes into a bar... wait crap, I meant a guy... So this horse cums in to a guy (credit to cyanide and happiness)"

"*1st date* [Be cool, just dont let her know youre a 1st generation PS3] So where do y- *internal cooling fan drowns out entire conversation*"

"What do you call a roman emperor with epilepsy? Julius Seizure"

"""Ok, hear me out. What if we gave people enough for three fries?"" -guy who invented ketchup packets"

"Knock Knock ""Who's there?"" ""I am a pileup"" ""I am a Pileup who?"" ""Exactly...."" (Badum Tss)"

"*passive aggressively turns off Christmas lights when someone stops too long to look at them*"

"[finding a secret passage in my NYC-apartment that leads to a corpse-filled torture dungeon] HOLY SHIT LOOK AT ALL THIS EXTRA SPACE I HAVE!"

"I hate it when people show up at MY house, knock on MY door, and then ask me why I'm not wearing pants."

"Why does Santa have such a big sack? He only comes once a year"

"GOD: Peter, you will be heaven's bouncer ST PETER: What the hell, I don't want ST BERNARD (whispering): Shut up or he'll make you a dog"