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Joke of the Day

"I took the shell off of my racing snail.... I thought it would make him go faster, but if anything it made him more sluggish."

"Who the hell decided to say ""No Butt Sex"" Instead of Ignoranus"

"I just walked across my cat's keyboard while he was filing his tax return."

"If you don't like the way women drive... ...then get off the sidewalk."

"""Well, this isn't helpful at all."" Termite watching ""Gettin' Wood"" on Cinemax"

"I never ask anyone, ""what kind of dog is that?"" because they'll tell you. God will they tell you."

"Pick up line - works everytime! ""Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?"""

"Did you guys hear about the new metal band playing at the winery this evening? They're called Grapes of Wrath."

"Where's the middle of nowhere? It's three letters in. ""H""."

"Guys, don't ever tell a girl that she's yummier than a gummy bear, she'll know it's not true because nothing is yummier than a gummy bear."