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Joke of the Day

"So I was in math class when the teacher asked me what comes after 69. Apparently, ""I do."" is not the correct answer."

"[my kid, literally every school morning] ""I hate mornings. I'm not getting up"" [1st day of summer vacation] ""dad, can we watch the sunrise"""

"Nothing says you're worth more than $25 but not quite worth $50 like a $40 gift certificate."

"Mistook a discarded plastic bag for a rat today as the wind blew it across my path. On the plus side, I can now perform the 'Gangnam Style'."

"H.o.m.e.w.o.r.k Half of my energy wasted on random knowledge . :)"

"Why was the garbage man afraid of the staff at the sex-change clinic? They give him the willies."

"[Bad] Why was the gourmet upset when he saw the menu? The prices were gastronomical... (I'll show myself out...)"

"What do you call a snake that's 3.14 metres long? A thon"

"I walked out of a club with a girl last night. She slipped her hand inside my jeans, squeezed my cock and said, ""Yours or mine?"" I said, ""That's mine."""

"Knock Knock Who's there ! Candice ! Candice who ? Candice get any better !"