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Joke of the Day
"What did Star Trek teach millions of kids? To boldly split infinitives!"
Next Joke
"When I order pizza online, in the ""Special Instructions for the Driver"" box, I put ""Tell me I'm a pretty princess"". And they do. And I am."
"What do you get for opening the BEST Vietnamese soup joint in London? A great big pho queue."
"ALERT At 9:20am, I lost an apostrophe. Last seen in the word ""Let's"". If you see it, please send it home. Its tweet misses it."
"Dear women who just gave birth, Stop naming your child 'Khalessi'. Sincerely, The rest of the human race"
"Let your girlfriend know how much you love her by screeching loudly like a pterodactyl whenever she talks."
"Thank you student loans, for helping me get through college. I am forever in your debt."
"Me: Why don't I have a boyfriend? God: I sent you one, you dumped him for putting ketchup on his steak. Me: Ah. That's right. Gross."
"My mom wants to see 50 Shades of Gray with me... I screamed, ""OH HELL NO"" and suggested we see Cinderella instead."
"Who called it freeze dried pork and not 6 degrees Kelvin Bacon?"