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Joke of the Day

"People that don't tweet for months and then show up like nothing happened... Was it jail? I bet it was jail."

"Waiter: how do you want your burger? Me: *points to girl at another table not taking a picture of her dinner* that rare"

"Those girls on the balance beam learn early on that 4 inches isn't much to work with."

"For every player who credits God for the win, a player from the opposing team can logically blame God for the loss."

"Self is a word in Itself."

"Ego and Super Ego walk into a bar. Bartender says, ""I'm going to need to see some Id."""

"A gorilla was shot I was playing pokemon go and the next thing i knew , a gorilla was dragging me around wtf mom"

"Is there something about me that suggests I want to hear about your smoothie cleanse, because I can change."

"What does Jeb Bush say to his wife after sex? Please cum."

"Ever hear the story of the dyslexic, agnostic, insomniac? He would lay awake at night worried about the existence of dog."