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Joke of the Day

"What's with girls having weird names nowadays? I recently slept with a girl and after sex she was like ""I'm Fifteen"" I was like that's nice I'm Daniel."

"Snotty bitch in the elevator was looking down her nose at me. So I had to ask her, ""Lady, can I smell your pussy?"" Indignantly, she said, ""No, you may not!"" ""Oh, well, then it must be your feet!"""

"What do you get when you cross-breed a shark and a cow? I have no idea but I wouldn't milk it."

"My friends won't get margaritas with me anymore because I get drunk & start saying everything is ""mexillent""."

"TIL That I'm NEVER getting prostate cancer"

"Forget plastic surgery. Enhance your beauty by getting those around you drunk"

"Using zero-ply toilet paper, aka the cardboard tube"

"what did the zombie say when he prank-called someone? ""deez gutz"""

"What's Captain Hook's favourite kind of shop? The second hand shop."

"I have this weird fungal infection on my leg. I need to get rid of it, but it's kind of growing on me. (Sorry if repost, came up with it in science class today.)"