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Joke of the Day

"I keep a knife in my Bible so if someone wants to kill me, I ask to read it & when I get to the 6th Commandment, I stab them in the face."

"What's the quickest way to clean semen off a poodle? Seriously. I need to know because my mother-in-law is due back home in about 20 minutes."

"So the Pope joined twitter so he can ""Reach out to a younger generation."" He is certainly not the first Catholic to have done that."

"No, cough syrup, you're not grape flavoured. Have you ever tasted a grape? You taste like death and the tears of small children, not grape."

"[backstage at GOP debate] AIDE: Mr. Trump needs his hair. CAT: I'm puking as fast as I can."

"I used to miss Mitch Hedburg I still do... But I used to, too. RIP"

"On a flight I asked the guy behind me if he minded me reclining my seat. He said he did. It really put my back up."

"Why are women so afraid of looking stupid? Because they don't want the world to know!"

"How do you know your sister is having her period? (Sick danish humor) NSFW When your fathers dick taste like blood."

"I was recently diagnosed with mesothelioma it's tough sometimes, but I'm doing asbestos I can."