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Joke of the Day

"Meant to say, ""Let me check my calendar and get back to you."" What came out: ""I'm available anytime"""

"I'm pretty sure that while girls are under anesthesia getting breast implants the doctors secretly do brain explants."

"At the last supper Jesus was probably like it would be way more comfortable for everyone if some of you sat on the other side of the table"

"So I'm gay and single .... Does that make me homolone?"

"Welcome to Psychic Abilities 101. Today's class was just rescheduled for tomorrow. If you're here now, you failed."

"What do you call a nun with a washing machine on her head ? Sister Matic !"

"Why did I break up with my spare change? It was too clingy"

"As we develop robots, we should make them out of pretzels or cotton candy that way if they become self aware we could just eat them"

"My ex is like Hurricane Katrina... She fucked New Orleans too."

"Venus Williams should marry Bruno Mars and become Venus Mars."