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Joke of the Day

"My dad will walk across the living room with a bowl of soup to the brim, shoelaces untied, because history has taught him nothing."

"Q: Why do dogs bury bones in the ground? - A: Because you can't bury them in the sky!"

"I eat the pussy like mac n cheese I'm lactose intolerant"

"I recently saw a documentary on different types of stationery throughout history. It was on paper-view."

"Everybody thinks ""The Social Network"" is the best movie about forming a new startup, but they are wrong. The best movie is ""Ghostbusters""."

"""There's an iPhone app that scans your face and tells you how ugly you are.You don't need this. If your phone doesn't ring at all, you're ugly."""

"Why are condoms and bungee-jumping similar? You're screwed if the rubber breaks."

"CAT: Can u check my blood pressure? DR DOG: *places cuff around cat's neck* Sure CAT: Shouldnt that go on m- DR DOG: *inflating cuff* Ssshhh"

"I can eat a rope and have it come out tied at the other end. . . I shit you knot"

"How many lesbians does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Just one, except she scissors it in."