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Joke of the Day

"""There's an iPhone app that scans your face and tells you how ugly you are.You don't need this. If your phone doesn't ring at all, you're ugly."""

"My girlfriend has the hottest ass in the world. Me"

"Is it wrecked or love My cell was 14 % and my gf cell was 97 % she put out my cell from charging and kept her cell and start playing temple run on my cell..."

"What will i do when i die? Idk!"

"I don't get my neighbor. tells me to make my self at home but then gets pissed off when they come into the kitchen and I'm in my underwear making a sandwich."

"TIL Dr Dre adopted a child from Mexico The child calls him his ""PaDre"""

"Old friend: I barely recognize you. ""That's the look I was going for. """

"Naming my favorite books is like choosing which of my kids I love more! In that I have a full list right here, do you have a pencil ready"

"My father would always tell me, ""Son, someday you will go far..."" ""and I hope to God that you stay there."""

"Eric Clapton So over the years Eric Clapton has developed an aversion to Microsoft and prefers to use hardware made my by Apple instead. Why? Simply because Windows killed his child."