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Joke of the Day

"The past, the present and the future walk into a bar... ...Then things got tense."

"When I have kids I'm gonna tell them drugs are good for them. It's the only way I can be sure they won't try them."

"Yeah, I lost to my computer at chess. But it turned out to be no match for me at kickboxing."

"I really don't have much respect for those that take drugs and alcohol. Like Customs, for example."

"I remember when peer pressure was all about drugs and promiscuous sex. Now it's Fitbit and who has the best gluten free recipes."

"People who do not use the grocery store divider bar can rot in hell."

"There is a dude in a fedora sitting next to you on the bus. Is he: A. a ghost hunter B. a virgin C. a sword collector D. all of the above"

"The boy was so lazy that he got up a bit earlier so that he could do nothing for a bit longer."

"What did the dad say to his baby who's being breastfed? You mothersucker."

"I messed up planning my New Year's party I guess you could say I dropped the ball."