188209

Joke of the Day

"This bartender doesn't know it yet, but she is probably going to make me 36 hours late for work tomorrow."

"So what do you do for a living? ""I'm in the Secret Service"" Wow, you didn't keep that secret too well did you"

"I'm like Global Warming... No one takes me seriously."

"Why did Steve Irwin's sunscreen get recalled? It didn't protect him from harmful rays Edit: Steve Irwin was the man. RIP"

"and on the 7th day while God was resting Satan created the Kardashian family."

"Who wants to go to walmart and show off our teeth?"

"I was in a highbrow bar at the Ritz Carlton, and their Pianist was asking folks for requests. I said to him, ""Can you play an Etude by Chopin?"" He replied, ""Which one?"" I responded, ""The composer."""

"My friend once told me ""You must be the most pedantic person in the entire world."" ""Third most, actually."""

"When my Dad passes, I will get a tattoo of him looking down at me from Heaven, disapproving of me getting a tattoo to commemorate him."

"Close your eyes. Now imagine a peaceful meadow. That meadow represents your betrayal. I told you to close your eyes, but you kept reading."