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Joke of the Day

"The date had been magic. We moved to her couch & kissed. That's when horror struck as my eyes locked on the Duck Dynasty DVDs on her shelf."

"it would be pretty badass if people never stopped growing and old people were like 30 feet tall. anyway thanks for coming to my TED talk"

"Why didn't the homophobe decorate his house for Halloween? Because his skeleton was in the closet"

"Dating is like playing musical chairs. Somewhere between 25&30 the music stopped& everyone grabbed a husband. I must've been in the bathroom"

"What is the difference between the Pope and acne? Acme doesn't come on to your face until after 13."

"Domestic terrorism? Meh... International terrorism? EHMAGARD!!"

"Which part of a vegetable isn't edible? His wheelchair."

"What does a Gynecologist and a Pizza Boy have in common? They can smell it but they can't eat it"

"Everything my boy friend ever said to me was a lie. Every. Fcuking. Thing. Except the part about how pretty I was, that was true."

"So I went to a feminist picnic the other day. It was great, but no one would make me a sandwich."