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Joke of the Day

"My friend tried to convince me that hard drugs should remain illegal... ...but his argument had no substance."

"Why was the tampon flying down the school hallway? He was late for his next period."

"My idea of a romantic dinner for two involves a surprising amount of papier-mache dinosaurs."

"Preferred way to connect with me (ranked most to least): 1. Text 2. Twitter DM 3. Email 4. Phone 5. Climb through my window 6. LinkedIn"

"What do you call it when your Stepmother poops? A Step-Stool"

"Shower like nobody is watching."

"I got kicked out if boy scouts for eating a brownie"

"I took two headache tablets an hour ago... Still haven't got one."

"My dog used to chase people on a bike all the time It got so bad I had to take his bike away."

"How to predict weather in Seattle: If you can see Mt Ranier it's going to rain. If not it already is."