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Joke of the Day

"[inventing trees] Angel: what purpose do they serve? God: cats climb em Angel: can they climb back down? God [inventing the fire dept]: nope"

"I hate the beginning and I hate the end So that's why I became a midwife."

"What does a Dallas Cowboys fan do when his team has won the Super Bowl? He turns off the PlayStation."

"""Cellphones only work when you talk into them like you're trying to be heard over a buzzsaw screwing a freight train."" - My Dad"

"Me: I think this diet is gonna work. Cheese: No."

"What time are most dental appointments scheduled for? Tooth hurty."

"Why did the American flag get so fat? Because these colors don't run."

"Why don't dirty commies shower? Because they don't want to wash away their Marx."

"A horse walks into a bar and orders an N."

"How do you build a boat? Well Im not sure, but I do Noah guy."