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Joke of the Day

"Yo mama is like the gas station. Pump and Pay."

"My coworkers sending dirty messages to other coworkers when I leave my computer unlocked is why I have trust issues. ... and dates."

"They just arrested my favorite shoe salesman thinking he was a drug lord. They said all the shoes were laced and everyone was trippin."

"Even if oil prices go down, I'm still going to siphon gas from my neighbor's car because I like the adrenaline rush and he's an asshole."

"No one is listening until you fart."

"Tad looked up from the book on ancient history he was reading and asked his father ""Pop what's a millennium?"" ""Well"" he muttered ""I think it's something like a centennial only it has more legs!"""

"An old lady in front of me dropped a $20 note, so I asked myself, ""what would Jesus do?"" So I turned it into wine. I bought wine."

"Last night I slept for 6 hours straight then 1 hour gay."

"What do a walrus and tupperware have in common? They're both looking for a tight seal."

"[stubs toe] ""GOD DAMMIT"" God: No problem, bro. [toe goes to Hell]"