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Joke of the Day

"other 21 year olds: going on dates, bein cool, having fun me: trying to become friends w/ the birds outside my house by offering them bread"

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"What's red and white and red, red and white and red and white? Santa Claus rolling down a roof!"
"How do you make holy water? Boil the hell out of it. I'll show myself out."
"My iPhone could say that I have a voicemail from God and I still wouldn't listen to it."
"Why was the cake afraid of mobsters? He knew they were going to ice him."
"What did the Trump supporting viticulturist say Monday morning? Time to make America Grapes Again."
"Why doesnt Santa Clause have any kids? Because he only comes once a year and its only ever down a chimney"
"The Queen Bee has up to 40 sexual partners a day. Jay Z found his 100th problem then."
"If Eve wore a fig leaf, what did Adam wear? A hole in it."
"[job interview] ""I'll never hire you"" ME: [swordfighting a field mouse] Is it cuz I'm swordf- NO IT'S BECAUSE YOU'RE LOSING TO A FIELD MOUSE"