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Joke of the Day

"*cop pulls me over* Cop:Had a bit to drink tonight? Me:What makes you think I've been drinking? *cop leans over and turns off lawnmower*"

"A deer, a skunk, and a duck went to the grocery store. When they were ready to check out, the deer didn't have a buck, the skunk didn't have a scent, so they put it all on the duck's bill."

"Why did the baker have dirty hands? Because he kneaded a poo."

"Trump's first act as president Gives away the First Lady's job to an immigrant. #ThanksDonald"

"I am a super hero... Every day after work I'm Thor."

"Tomorrow I'm definitely going to start running, no matter how many days it takes!"

"I'm sorry, this suitcase is overweight. You're gonna have to take some stuff out and put it in a different bag so the plane doesn't crash."

"I slammed the car door on my fingers this afternoon. In related news, there's an 83% chance that my nephew just added ""Mother*ucker"" to his vocabulary."

"Untied the bun in my hair & tried that sexy hair shake thing that chicks do on tv. Doc says the neck brace can come off in a week."

"Quit smoking is so easy I quit at least a thousand times already Edited :D"