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Joke of the Day

"What did the rapper ask the pet sitter when he got back from vacation? Where my dogs at?"

"My doctor told me to avoid trans fats. I'm really gonna miss Tumblr."

"Why did little Johnny fall off the swing? ...he didn't have arms. Why did little Sarah fall off her bike? Someone threw a fridge at her."

"I showed up to my girlfriend's house. She said, ""Why, don't you look nice!?"" I said, ""Thanks."" ""It wasn't a compliment."" she added."

"What do rattlesnakes and condoms have in common? I don't fuck with either of them!"

"Why was the Jolly Green Giant wrongly accused of being a pedophile? He'd been letting the kids use his dick for a bungee cord."

"How do you know the toothbrush was invented in South Carolina? Cause if it was invented anywhere else it'd be called a teethbrush."

"TIL %90 of statistics are made up. The other %10 comes after you make a title."

"The original Latin name for Monday was Thisshitagain. #littleknownfacts #alsonottrue"

"How many immigrants. Q) How many immigrants does it take to change a light bulb? A) None. That is our fucking job!"