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Joke of the Day
"I changed my phone ringtone to the doorbell sound bc I don't answer that either."
Next Joke
"I went to the gym and did a negative pullup today. It was a letdown."
"My wife decided to adopt a dog from the shelter So now I have to come home to a raging bitch and a poodle."
"I don't understand why banks keep their pens chained to the counter If I trust you with my money, then you should trust me with your pen!"
"Justin Bieber will be an old man someday and it will be hilarious."
"What gets bigger everytime I see my wife. My wife."
"A little demon came home from school one day and said to his mother 'I hate my sister's guts.' 'All right' said his mother 'I won't put them in your sandwiches again.'"
"Matthew McConaughey for president 2016: Make America Alright Alright Alright Again!"
"Given how enormous the universe is, I assume there's an alien out there who does a mocking impression of me. Screw you, alien."
"What is the type of conference that brings together knights and mathematicians? A *sir-conference*"