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Joke of the Day

"""I hate you but I'm not in hate with you."" - Murderer delicately explaining why he left a victim with only a light stabbing"

"Patient (to cosmetic surgeon): Will it hurt me doctor? Surgeon: Only when you get my bill Mrs Brown."

"Are you an old person? Because I would love to give you a stroke!"

"So I was in Jerusalem and a man was trying to sell me a gold watch... I kept telling him I don't want it. It looks too fake, not real gold. He looked at me and says ""It's not fake, Israel."""

"I want to be rich enough to realize that I can't buy happiness."

"Why won't North Korea ever have a successful space program? There's no air in space for them to eat."

"Oscar Pistorius wants a new bathroom door His girlfriend is dead against it."

"My work day has been like the movie Sound of Music. But with less singing. And more Nazis."

"Not all women are good at multi-tasking I just saw one trying to talk on her phone, while flying through her car windscreen."

"I call bullshit on all the times I've talked to strangers and they've not offered me candy."