198934

Joke of the Day

"I want to be rich enough to realize that I can't buy happiness."

"I turn 39 years old today. But they're Canadian years."

"Where does the little king keep his little armies? Up his little sleevies."

"Imagine me sitting alone, pouting in a wedding dress with a defeated slump and unwrapping and eating a Snickers bar. That's my fetish."

"Broccoli is like anal sex. If you didn't like it forced on you as a child you probably won't like it as an adult."

"It's too bad u can't safely fill babies with helium. How cute would that be to look up and see hundreds of floating, chubby, happy, babies."

"Nice tan. I'm guessing your mother is white & your father's a sweet potato?"

"[CREATING GROUNDHOGS] GOD: a rat dog ANGEL: check GOD: that whispers to white people ANGEL: what? GOD: about the weather ANGEL:"

"I've always heard that ignorance is bliss. My question: Exactly, how ignorant do I have to be before I find bliss?"

"Did you know that Princess Diana was on her cell phone when she died? She was also on the dashboard, the windscreen, the roadside..."