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Joke of the Day

"Patient (to cosmetic surgeon): Will it hurt me doctor? Surgeon: Only when you get my bill Mrs Brown."

"I hope I never have to produce an alibi...cause eating salsa in bed with my cat every night would never hold up in court."

"[restaurant] DATE: Tell me something naughty about you ME: Sure [loudly chewing a steak] I haven't brought any money"

"So I asked my friend what ADHD was... He told me ""It's was like a better quality version of."""

"Why didn't Edward leave Russia? Cause he was snowden."

"Sup girl, I hear u like bad boys *I open the wrong side of juice carton* *evil spirit flies out* Oh, so that's why they say don't do that"

"What do you call a cat that torrents movies? A copy cat."

"Katie Price and Osama Bin Laden have topped a poll of most unpopular people to sit next to on a plane, but to be fair, with either one a blow job is guaranteed."

"If you get mixed up when you read with your fingers, you're just Braillely dyslexic."

"What do you call a group of rabbits backing up? A Receding hairline"