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Joke of the Day

"So I was in Jerusalem and a man was trying to sell me a gold watch... I kept telling him I don't want it. It looks too fake, not real gold. He looked at me and says ""It's not fake, Israel."""

"Now I find out my ground hands are actually called feet wtf is going on today"

"So I was in the library the other day... My black friend comes over and ask me where the color printers were at. I looked up and said ""it's 2015 man you can use whatever printer you want""."

"How do you confuse a blonde? You don't... They're born that way"

"hey people that post selfies on Instagram and caption it 'No Filter', go with a filter next time. serious"

"It's a fair notion to suggest that I'm quite keen on oral contraceptives. I asked a girl to have sex with my one night. She said ""No."""

"how i look like Broccoli: Hey, I look like a tree. Mushroom: Wow, I look just like an umbrella. Walnut: I look exactly like a brain. Banana: Man, can we change the topic please?"

"How can you tell if your wife has been screwing all your friends? All their dicks taste just like her twat."

"What is 20 inches long and makes women scream at night? A stillborn"

"In my day a hand on my crotch was third base... now even a hand job is a foul ball!"