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Joke of the Day

"Why do we let women and children off a sinking ship first? So the sharks aren't hungry anymore."

"Wouldn't mind having a bonus hole that fireworks shot out of when I got confused."

"We don't need a Voting Rights Act. If we just give all the votes to rich people, then democracy will just trickle down to everyone else."

"This is my stepladder... I never knew my real ladder."

"I don't go on Facebook much so Dave, if you're seeing this, thanks for the invite to your 2007 New Year's party, hope you had fun dude."

"DATE TIP: Hold doors. Pull the chair out for your date. Burp your date. Change your date oh god you are on a date with a baby ok stay cool"

"You can't get AIDS from a toilet seat unless you sit down before the other guy gets up"

"What do pirates of the 21st century wear? An iPadth."

"What's the difference between Kim and Robert K? Robert never got a famous black guy off all by himself ..."

"Dear millionaires, If you don't have a bookcase that spins into a secret room then give your money to me because you're spending it wrong."