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Joke of the Day

"4 stages of life 1. You believe in Santa 2. You don t believe in Santa 3. You are Santa 4. You look like Santa"

"Will you get mad? Wife: *Honey, do I look fat in this dress?* Husband: *Will you get mad if I tell you the truth?* Wife: *No, silly. Of course not* Husband: *I slept with your sister*"

"How many coffees before I stop looking for shirts in my refrigerator"

"What happens when redditors die? RIP in box"

"If I had a dollar for every time I said this I would be making money in a real weird way! Best comic I ever heard, Mitch Hedberg (1968-2005)."

"The best way to avoid awkward moments with homeless people is to ask them for money before they ask you."

"Why didn't the vampire eat out his girlfriend? Because it wasn't the right time of the month."

"The true irony in Taylor Swift singing about feeling 22 at age 23 is that I want to hit her in the face with a cast iron skillet."

"I told my court-appointed therapist I just needed a little piece and quiet. She said, ""Necrophilia is a crime."""

"How does a sailor suit? With a bowtie!"