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Joke of the Day

"What did the metric alien say ? Take me to your litre !"

"Justin Bieber has found Jesus which means that Jesus is really great at a lot of things but hiding is not one of them."

"Do you remember that programme about the surfing stuntman? It used to be good but now it's jumped the shark."

"Some days I'm more on than off, but most days I'm just a moron."

"Welcome to Starbucks how may I help you? ""Regular coffee with cream please"" That's $40, 5ml of unicorn tears, and 10 dragon scales. ""TEN?"""

"What do /r/gonewild posters and cat owning redditors have in common? Both show pussy for karma."

"Why do people like Trump over Obama? Because Orange is the new Black"

"(Business) Mike: It's a sled. I call it the Mikesled. Bob: I have a better idea."

"I can tell everything I need to know about a person by how they cut their sandwich. Diagonal = normal Straight = serial killer No cut = dad"

"What does Joe Pesci order at Burger King? An angry wopper."