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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between men and women when it comes to drinking? My boys drive me to drink, but women drive me to drink."

"Happy poops are all alike; every unhappy poop is unhappy in its own way."

"A girlfriend and boyfriend are talking... The girl says, ""hey John, how do you spell 'pedophilia?'"" He responds, ""gosh honey, why do you need to know? That's an awfully big word for an 8 year old."""

"I was late to a meeting traveling to West Virginia. I forgot to reset my watch to the mid 1800s."

"*puts dreamcatcher above bed* ""Sure hope this works"" *wakes up in the middle of the night* *Ryan Gosling is stuck in dreamcatcher* ""YES"""

"You know, you're not that bad looking -- for a fat-ass."

"Sometimes I feel like a doctor stuck studying X-rays to gauge the health impacts of excessive sausage eating. I tend to see the wurst in people."

"I save an average of $5 per tank of gas by filling up at Costco. I'll have enough saved to buy a house in about 1,200 years."

"So a guy comes into a bar... oh wait or was it a horse? Ok so a guy cums into a horse. yaaa obviously works better as a spoken joke"

"Why do cannibals prefer to eat blind people? Because with one sense gone they taste really good. Sorry, that was wrong... they taste really well."