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Joke of the Day

"A grizzly mauled a guy in an elevator... but I couldn't bear to see it go down."

"My sister didnt think I could make a car out of spaghetti. You should have seen the look on her face as I drove pastah'"

"How do parents in Africa celebrate their kid's first birthday? They bring flowers to his grave."

"I farted in a room full of hipsters.. then watched them fight over who heard it first."

"out of all the lies ive told just kidding is my favorite. I don't get it?"

"I hesitate to make fun of ""Canadian bacon,"" because I know they'll eventually play the ""American cheese"" card."

"eBay is so useless I tried to look up lighters and all they had was 13,749 matches."

"""FOR [sound of robot-computer meltdown/Buckethead noise] PRESS 1 FOR [feint but audible screams of someone being chased in woods] PRESS 2"""

"Why can't women read maps? Only the male mind can comprehend the concept of one inch equaling a mile."

"I'm not hungover. I just like to wear my sunglasses when I open the fridge door. It makes me look cool."