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Joke of the Day

"Just saw a bird walking down the side of the road & yelled out my window, ""YOU CAN FLY, YOU STUPID BIRD,"" because I am a mature adult."

"LPT: How to get out of murder/manslaughter charges. Become a police officer."

"Wife: You said you'll keep me as a queen but you make me dig the farm all day. WTF is this about? Husband: Darling you are my Queen of Spades."

"What's the difference between ignorance and apathy? I don't know and I don't care."

"I am upset with my parents for making me exist. u just decided to make a person one day? who's gonna pay my bills? me? I didn't ask for this"

"A man asks his blind daughter what her favorite color is... She responds ""My favorite color is orange. It is the new black after at all."""

"CASHIER: One ultrathin lubricated condom. That'll be $3.25 DUCK: Can you put it on my bill? CASHIER: That's not where it goes, silly"

"""Awwww, that is so sweet! I think you're outstanding too!"" me, to the collection agency"

"""Can you describe your self in two words?"" - Lazy."

"Why doesn't Bill Cosby like women's flip flops? ...because he can't lace them."